Home is where the Heart is
by Rizzy151617
Summary: Alex is fighting her nightmares and addiction. Nikita can't help her, because she's on a roadtrip with Owen. Will Michael be able to help her instead?


**This is my new fanfic, it's my first Nikita story. I know there are not a lot of Michael/Alex shippers out there, but I'm definitely one of them. I do like Nikita and Michael as well so there won't be a lot of Nikita hate in here. I hope you like the story, if you have any advice, please tell me. Enjoy!**

Alex was in the training basement, beating the crap out of a training bag. She was trying to exhaust herself in the hope of getting some sleep later but right now she was nowhere near tired.

'I think he's dead by now.'

Michael's deep voice echoed through the basement. Alex turned around.

'Yeah well, you can never be too sure.'

A small smile tugged at Michael's mouth.

'True, better safe than sorry.'

He walked further into the room as he grew serious.

'You know, if you ever want to talk or spar or whatever. I'm here for you. We all are.'

'Thanks, but I'm fine. No need to worry about me.' It sounded weak, even to her own ears. She wasn't surprised when Michael raised his eyebrow.

'Come on, Alex. We are worried about you! Nikita, Owen, Birkhoff and even Ryan. But they can't seem to reach you and neither can I. Alex, we're trying to help. Hell, you don't even have to tell me what's wrong – just don't go through this alone.'

'What makes you think I'm in this alone?' She was bluffing of course, but she hoped he wouldn't notice.

'Alex, you've been down here every single night for the past two weeks. Unless that training bag is your sponsor, I doubt someone is helping you.'

Alex sighed and grabbed a bottle of water. She wasn't really thirsty, but it was a nice excuse for not answering Michael. She saw him move from the corner of her eye. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. It was a nice change. Not that she didn't like the fancy suits he usually wore, but somehow this seemed more like the real Michael. Suddenly she realised she was staring.

'See anything you like?' Michael asked with a glint of humour in his eyes. Alex rolled her eyes and threw the bottle at him.

'Shut up.' She said, fighting back a smile. She sat down on the mat and he joined her.

'Seriously though, you should talk to someone. Or at least stop assaulting that training bag and find a real challenge.' He bumped her shoulder.

She sighed. 'Yeah I know. It's just that punching that stupid bag helps me think.'

Michael nodded in understanding. She stood up and put on a sweater.

'When is the last time you've been out of here?'

His question caught her by surprise. To be honest, she didn't know. She tried to stay busy and where better to do that than Division? So she had abandoned her apartment some time ago and stayed permanently in Division. Sometimes she tried to sleep in her own room and sometimes she would go into the ventilation shaft to get some rest. Not that she got a lot of rest these days. Most of the time she couldn't sleep and if she finally could, she had nightmares that left her more tired than before she went to sleep.

'I don't know, a few weeks I guess?'

Michael got up and looked at her with a little bit of disapproval in his eyes, his arms crossed.

'Division is different now, remember? You can leave whenever you want. And honestly, I think it's time for you to get out for a while. Get some fresh air, clear your head.'

Alex hesitated. It sounded tempting but she was terrified to get out. Terrified to lose herself, terrified to give in to the desire to run away and never come back. Terrified to take the easy way out. Michael took a step closer and put his hands on her shoulders.

'Alex, look at me. It's going to be okay. Getting out of Division doesn't mean you won't come back. Just get out, have a good night and come back tomorrow morning or even tonight if that's what you want.'

Alex was surprised that he had read her so easily. Usually she hated it when people knew what she was thinking but tonight it was comforting.

'Okay fine, I'll go out.' She said, trying to sound like she actually didn't want to go.

Michael smiled approvingly. 'Come on, I'll buy you dinner.'

He led her out of the training basement, his hand on her lower back. It reminded her of her time as a recruit in the old Division. Back then he had always led her like that. Always watching over her and here he was doing it again. While they were walking to her room she thought of her time as a recruit. She remembered she threw a ball at him and smiled. Michael being Michael noticed this of course.

'What's so funny?'

Alex shook her head.

'Do you remember that time back in the old Division when I was angry with you.'

Michael furrowed his brow.

'You were always mad at me, so which moment do you mean?'

Alex smacked him lightly.

'The time I threw a ball at you.'

Michael grinned.

'Oh yeah, I remember that one. You threw quite hard. You're lucky my reflexes are so good.' He said jokingly.

They had reached Alex' room. He opened the door for her but waited outside.

'Take your time, I'll be in ops.'

She nodded. He was about to close the door when she called him.

'Michael?'

He looked at her, still holding the door.

'That night, you told me the truth is what we choose to believe. Did you really have a plan to save me?'

Michael's gaze softened.

'I had a vague plan but I was fairly certain that it was a test for me.'

'What if it wasn't?'

Michael met her eyes.

'Then I would have fought like hell to get you back. No one could have hurt you Alex. I'd made sure of that.'

Alex was too stunned to answer and Michael closed the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She replayed the conversation in her mind. She had been dying to ask that question since she and Michael had both escaped Division but somehow she had never had the courage to do so. She had been afraid of the answer. But now she knew it, she realized it had been foolish of her to be afraid. Michael had always been there for her. She smiled at the thought. She had been alone most of her life. First when she was living with her parents. Her parents were there for her but they were also busy with Zetrov. She had learned to take care of herself back then. And then she became Sacha. Those years had been hell, but somehow she had managed to pull through on her own. Until the day Nikita had walked into her life. Suddenly she had someone who took care of her. Even when she was inside of Division Nikita had watched over her. And then later on Michael had taken care of her as well. She finally felt like she belonged somewhere.

She put on some music and took a shower. It had been a long time since she had listened to music. She decided to ignore the fact and just enjoy the moment. When she got out of the shower she put on some jeans and a purple tank top. While she slipped her heels on she sang along to the song. She put on a little bit of make up and started to brush her hair. When she was all done she turned off the music but kept humming the song while walking to ops.

The room was hectic as always. Sonya and Birkhoff dominated the room, giving orders to everyone when they weren't too busy bickering with each other. Alex couldn't help but smile at the sight. Ryan and Michael were standing next to each other in front of the big screen. Before she could see what the mission was about, she heard a voice saying:

'Target down. Mission accomplished.'

Birkhoff pumped his fist in the air. 'Yes, baby!' He yelled.

Michael and Ryan were slightly more modest, but the relief was visible on their faces. Alex walked to the screen. She noticed there was no sign of either Owen or Nikita. Michael turned around and noticed her. He gave her a small smile and walked over to her.

'Ready?'

Alex nodded absently.

'Where's Nikita?'

'She's on a mission.'

Ryan answered her. Alex raised her eyebrows. Why didn't Nikita tell her this?

'With Owen? One of the dirty-thirty?'

Birkhoff stood up and walked over to where they were standing.

'Yes and no.'

'Then what kind of mission?'

Michael sighed.

'Owen is trying to get his memory back and Nikita is helping him.'

Alex turned from one face to the other.

'Why did no one tell me about this?'

Birkhoff rolled his eyes and mumbled: 'Oh, boy.'

Alex shot him a glare but turned around to face Ryan.

'We tried Alex.' Ryan offered. 'But you kept pushing us away.'

Alex looked at Michael. He nodded slightly.

'Don't worry Alex. It's okay, they only left this morning. You can call Nikita if you want.'

'No, that's okay. I'll call her tomorrow.'

She stood there unsure of what to do now. She still wanted to go outside but her good mood was gone. Before the silence grew too uncomfortable, Michael spoke up.

'Now that the mission is completed, we all deserve a good night rest. Good job people.'

Alex snuck a glance at Ryan. He was the boss after all, it was actually up to him to give people some time off. To her surprise, he didn't seem to mind. He just seemed extremely tired. Apparently she was not the only one with sleeping problems.

'Ready to go Alex?'

She turned around to face Michael, ignoring Birkhoff's questioning gaze.

'Yeah, let's go.'

There had been a car waiting for them in the basement so it took some time before she could actually breathe in the clean air. She didn't notice that the car had stopped until Michael pointed it out to her. She got out of the car and looked around. She didn't see any restaurants or café's or clubs.

'Where are we?'

'This,' Michael walked around the car and led her to the nearest building, 'is my apartment.'

He smiled and opened the door for her. She had always thought of Michael as a private person who kept to himself. She had not expected to see his apartment in…she had never expected to see his apartment. It wasn't until the elevator had stopped that she realised something.

'What about Nikita? Aren't you guys like…living together?'

Michael looked away, slightly uncomfortable.

'We do, but we also have a place of our own. It's complicated.'

'You mean Owen?' She blurted out.

Michael looked at her surprised. Then he frowned.

'Among other things, yes.'

Before she could say any more, he opened the door and let her in to his apartment. She had expected a room with only the most important furniture. Something efficient and business like. Instead she found herself in a beautiful apartment, furnished with comfortable looking couches, a huge kitchen and even a bookcase. She smirked; somehow she couldn't picture Michael sitting on the couch reading a book, it was just way too normal for a Division top spy. She walked around the apartment, looking around. There were no feminine touches, but that wasn't a bad thing. It was beautiful and despite her expectations, somehow it breathed Michael all over. She wanted to explore a little bit more, but decided against it, knowing it might seem a little bit rude. When she walked back to the kitchen, Michael sat on one of the bar stools, studying her.

'So, what's the verdict?'

She hopped on the stool next to him.

'I love it!'

Michael smirked. 'Good answer. So what do you want to eat?'

Alex looked down, embarrassed to tell him that she couldn't actually cook. Despite Nathan's efforts, she had never got the hang of it.

'Alex?' She could hear Michaels worried voice. 'What's wrong?'

She smiled. 'It's nothing; it's just that I really can't cook. I've tried, but well I guess it's not one of my talents.'

Michael smiled as well.

'I think you're just not trying hard enough. Everyone can cook. However, tonight you won't have to cook. I'll cook for both of us. You can relax, take a bath or a nap or whatever you want to do.'

She had to admit it sounded great to actually take a bath. She hadn't allowed herself that luxury for some time. It did feel a little bit weird though, having dinner with your best friend's fiancé and taking a bath at his apartment. No, that didn't seem right.

'I think I'll just watch you cook.' She decided.

He smirked.

'That's okay with me. Do you like lasagne?'

He was already moving around the kitchen.

'Sure!'

She liked watching him cook. Somehow he seemed more at ease that she had ever seen him before. Neither of them said something but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. After the lasagne was in the oven, Michael led her to the living room.

'You probably don't want any wine, do you?'

He asked. Alex shook her head; glad she didn't have to explain her addiction and therefore her difficulties with alcohol.

'Water is fine.'

Michael left for the kitchen so she sat down on the couch. It was even more comfortable than it looked! When Michael came back, she had kicked off her heels and sat with her back against the armrest and her legs across the couch. He smiled at the sight and handed her a glass of water. She saw he had another glass for himself.

'You know, just because I don't drink doesn't mean you can't drink as well.'

Michael shrugged. 'It's fine, really.'

He sat down on the other couch across from hers, studying her for a moment.

'You know, I never really apologized for the whole Nathan thing. I'm really sorry about what happened.'

Alex looked up, surprised that he'd mentioned Nathan. 'It's fine. I understand. Nikita told me about Daniel. She told me we couldn't have a personal life as well and she was right.'

Michael looked down. 'Yes, well I just didn't want Nathan to become another Daniel.'

Alex smiled. 'I know. But you have to admit you didn't like him. It was written all over your face.'

'Hey, what do you expect? The guy called me "Batman".' He grinned but grew serious again. 'I should've handled it differently though.'

Alex put a hand on his arm. 'It's okay. Don't worry about it.'

It was silent for a while.

He cleared his throat. 'So, what are you going to do when Division is over? Will you be Alexandra Udinov again?'

Alex sat back and thought for a while.

'Honestly I don't know. Since the death of my father, all I've been doing is trying to survive. I've never really had the chance to make plans for the future.'

'I know the feeling. I've learned to stop making plans after my wife died. Then I just focused on the tasks Percy gave me and after that all I could think about was destroying Percy. But now that he's gone and we're trying to bring the Dirty Thirty down, I can start to think about the future again.'

Alex kept quiet. He never mentioned his family before.

'Do you still think about them often?' She finally asked.

He sighed and looked at her. 'Everyday. They're a part of me, wherever I go. I thought it would be easier after getting revenge on Kasim but…'

He didn't finish, but he didn't need to. Alex remembered how she felt when Sergei Semak had finally been killed. She had her revenge. Sean had asked her how she felt but Michael had answered for her. He knew she had felt empty, not really feeling anything at all. After a few days she had felt a lot, but none of the feelings were the ones she had expected. She didn't feel better, she felt disappointed because the grief wasn't easier to bear. Apparently Michael was dealing with the same problem.

'I've never heard you talk about them before. Do you talk about them with Nikita?'

Michael shook his head. 'Sometimes, but I think it's difficult for her to listen to my past.'

Alex couldn't stand the sad look in his eyes.

'What were they like?'

Michael smiled at the thought. 'My wife, Elizabeth, she was the sweetest woman you'll ever meet. She was kind, understanding and supportive. She didn't want me to go on dangerous missions but she always supported me and understood why I did it.' His eyes were focused on something far away. He let out a short chuckle. 'We probably married too soon, but we were in love and weren't thinking. I've never regretted it though. Hayley, she was a beautiful little girl. Always happy, always laughing.'

He trailed of with tears in his eyes. Alex just waited. It was awful that all of this had happened to his family, all because of Percy.

She didn't know how long they sat there. Michael lost in his own thoughts, Alex watching over him. Suddenly the sound of the oven made them jump up.

'I should get that.'

Michael mumbled and walked to the kitchen. Alex stayed on the couch, resting her hands on her lap. It wasn't long before Michael came back and was leaning against the wall. It seemed like he felt better again.

'You coming or what?' He asked with a smile and held out his hand to her.

Alex returned the smile and took his hand. He lead her to the kitchen where she hopped on the bar stool again. Before her was a plate of lasagne and a salad. It smelled really good. When Michael had sat down as well, she dug in.

'Oh this is really good! Seriously, it's delicious!' She exclaimed after her first bite.

Michael merely smiled, happy to see her eat for once. He had been worried about her.

Dinner went by easily. They chatted about all kind of things: previous missions, Amanda, Percy but also about things that weren't connected to Division: they discussed hobbies, music and dreams. All in all Alex had a great evening. When they had finished, she stood up and collected the dishes. Michael stopped her however.

'Don't worry about it. The mess will be here tomorrow.'

Alex smiled, remembering the last time she had said that. Back then she just wanted to go to bed and try to figure out a way to get back at Michael, after his awful behaviour towards Nathan. The situation was very different now. When he led her to the living room, she noticed something in the corner.

'Michael, do you play the guitar?' She smiled at the thought.

He smiled as well. 'Yeah I do. Actually, it's what Elizabeth fell in love with in the first place.'

Alex took his hand and pulled him towards the instrument. 'Will you play for me?'

He hesitated for a moment but when he saw her puppy dog eyes, he resigned and picked up the guitar. Together they walked towards the living room. Michael sat down on de edge of the couch, Alex nestled herself on the other couch, watching him expectantly.

It took Michael some time to tune it right, but when he was done he hesitated again. _It probably had been a while since he played_, Alex thought.

Then he started to play. It was a gentle melody, it didn't sound very difficult, but it was beautiful. It sounded familiar. It took her a minute to figure it out but when she realized it, she couldn't help the smile that crept over her face. It was Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. Somehow it perfectly fitted with how she felt herself. She sat back and watched how Michael's finger moved over the snares, a little hesitant at first, but growing more confident. She listened and pictured the lyrics in her mind.

'_You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we could fly away? We've got to make a decision; leave tonight or live and die this way.' _

'_And I had a feeling that I belong, I had a feeling I could be someone.' _

When the song ended, it was quiet for a while. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Finally Alex looked up.

'That was awesome.'

Michael grinned at her enthusiasm, but he had to admit that it had felt pretty good to play again.

'Does Nikita know you play? She never mentioned it.'

Michael raised an eyebrow. 'Does she tell you everything about me?'

Alex blushed. 'No, of course not. It's just that, well I don't know. It seems like something she'd mention.'

Michael put away the guitar and shook his head. 'It's okay Alex. To answer your question; no, she doesn't know. Somehow, it never came up.'

'Why not tell her? She'd love it.'

Michaels smile disappeared.

'Playing the guitar, it's personal.'

When he saw Alex's look he leaned over, trying to explain.

'Look the thing Nikita and I have, is great.' He chuckled. 'I still can't believe we're getting married. But that doesn't mean we tell each other everything. I haven't played the guitar since the death of my family. It is something of the past. Nikita and I, we are trying to have a new life and leave the past behind.'

Alex was quiet for a while, thinking about his words. It felt wrong to her. In her opinion, people in love should be able to tell each other everything, even if it was about the past. But she kept her thoughts to herself. So instead she smiled. 'Well, I think you play beautifully. Nikita would love it.'

Michael returned her smile but didn't respond.

'It's getting late. Do you want me to bring you back to Division?'

Alex hesitated. This evening had made her forget about the bad side of Division for a moment. She didn't want to go back there.

Michael noticed her hesitation. 'You don't have to go back there, you know.'

Alex just shook her head. She didn't want to be weak. She was Alexandra Udinov, she would not give up! '

'It's fine. I can take a cab.'

Michael gave her a stern look.

'What kind of friend would I be, if didn't at least bring you back after practically kidnapping you?'

Alex smiled and stood up to put on her heels again. 'Well, it wasn't really a kidnapping. You were right. It was good for me to get out.'

Michael followed her example and walked over to the kitchen to retrieve their coats. He held hers out in front of her. Alex shook her head at his chivalry and turned around to let him assist her. They rode back in silence. Halfway, she turned on the radio and hummed along softly to the songs. She looked out of the window, but couldn't help but notice the smile that was plastered on Michael's face. It had been good for him as well to get out of Division, she decided.

When they entered the basement, Birkhoff was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed. 'Ah Mikey! There you are, where have you been?' He looked curiously at the two of them. Michael put a hand on the small of Alex's back to guide her through the hallway. Meanwhile he shot Birkhoff a glare and mumbled 'Not a word, Birkhoff.'

They were almost out of the basement when they heard Birkhoff shout. 'Just so you know, Nikki has returned. I thought I'd give you a heads up.'

Alex and Michael looked at each other, both ignoring what Birkhoff had insinuated. 'Want to go to her?' He asked her.

Alex thought about it. She really wanted to see her best friend again, but she was tired and she wanted to get some sleep. As if her body wanted to express her thoughts, she began to yawn. 'I think I'll talk to her tomorrow.' She said.

Michael nodded and led them towards her room.

She looked up at him. 'You don't want to see her?'

He grinned. 'Of course I do. But first I have to get you to your room.'

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help to be happy that he didn't leave her the minute he had heard Nikita had returned. When they arrived at her room, he let go of her. She turned around to face him.

'Thank you. I had a great night.'

He nodded. 'You're welcome. I didn't have a bad time either. Goodnight Alex.'

She was silent for a while, watching him as he walked away. He was already halfway the hallway before she found her voice again.

'Goodnight.'

He turned around and smiled. 'If you have trouble sleeping or anything, I'm one phone call away.'

She nodded. 'Thank you.'

He smiled one more time and turned around. He was probably on his way to Nikita.

Alex turned around and opened her door. She walked into the room and quickly pulled off her heels and clothes. She lay down and fell a sleep in no time. For the first time in weeks, she slept peacefully the whole night.


End file.
